The economy nowadays is so fucking bad. I was on a website, looking for jobs, and all the jobs want 5-10 years of experience! Even the labor jobs, like stacking fuckin’ boxes!
“WE WANT 5 YEARS OF EXPERIENCE PUTTING SHIT…ON TOP OF OTHER SHIT!”
Fuckin’ ridiculous.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m overweight…I’m just a fat version of a skinny person.
Whenever a girl wants to be ”friends with benefits” I’m like, “So basically what you’re saying is that you’re gonna pay for all my visits to the dentist/doctor as long as we’re friends?” I might not get laid a lot, but fuck you, I have perfect teeth!
Q: Do you enjoy cyber-sex?
A: I enjoy a cyber-turkey dinner. Then MAYBE if you play your cards right, you can get into my cyber-bed and make some sweet sweet cyber-lovin’.
Q: Do you use sex toys?
A: I tried to use a hedgehog as a sex toy. I’m still the topic at the ER water cooler after all these years.
Q: Do you enjoy oral sex?
A: Aural sex.
Q: Are you interested in sex with multiple partners?
A: I interned at Orgy, Gangbang and Goldstein, LLC. What do YOU think?
A MSG 2 DA LADIEZ !
If we have ever made you laugh, cry, vomit, shit your pants, get an erection, lose an erection, save an erection, club a baby seal, club a baby seal’s erection…then LIKE US ON FACEBOOK.
Two simple clicks and you’ll never be without your daily dose of vulgar shenanigans ever again!
We’re just trying to spread the love (all over your faces)!
I think discovering a ninja in the bathroom would be fantastic. He would kill you instantly, but the last thing you’d ever see would be a ninja taking a shit…which is AWESOME, and would give you bragging rights in heaven/hell.
“Silent but deadly” - a term which originated when Joe Hoskins discovered a ninja taking a poop in a Wisconsin rest stop bathroom. R.I.P. Joe Hoskins.
Madonna proved to the world that she is a video game nerd with the release of her new single, “Materia Girl”. The music video, featuring Justin Bieber as Barret Wallace, topped the charts at #1 within minutes of being debuted!
After sitting in my attractive dentist’s chair for two hours, I asked her when it was going to be MY turn to poke around in HER mouth for a little while. She slapped me…but I didn’t feel it because of the Novocaine! ME: 1 DENTIST: 0.
